and it starts today. It’s canvassing…which sucks but oh well.
It’s snowing outside right now, too.
Meaning the next four hours are going to be cold and crappy.
Wish me luck
and it was terrifying. I felt so stiff and my brush strokes were very tight and my lines were illustrative and I couldn’t remember how to mix colors to get what I wanted and I just felt so confused because it’s like I forgot how to paint.
My favorite part about painting before was how loose I could get and how freeing it felt to be messy. The hours flew by and I felt so relaxed by the end of a painting. Even if I didn’t like what I was doing, it became almost therapeutic.
Now I am dreading returning to the painting studio.
Doesn’t help that my teacher scares the piss out of me/is so unbelievably aggressive for no god-given reason—it’s painting for fuck’s sakes! Why so angry and defensive?
I know practice makes perfect, and once I start painting again I’ll likely get back in to the groove of things…but it was disheartening to suck at something I love so much. Also, I don’t want to be shitty at something I’m majoring in.
I’m sure once I stop putting pressure on myself to paint like I used to, painting will be fun again. But until then, I”m stuck in the art school blues.